So, I suppose I should start this by saying that I am not a policy advisor, or a policy expert, but I am a person who has to live with effects of policy decisions. As such, I feel like sharing my experience is relevant.
My spouse is in the military, and, as you might imagine, that means we move whenever my spouse gets orders to a new place. Technically, I don’t have to, but it turns out that I like living with the person to whom I am happily married, and that our children are still young enough to enjoy their parents, so we move. (The things we do for love.)
When I find out where we are going next, I immediately start researching schools, affordable housing options, walkable neighborhoods, opportunities to pursue hobbies, and the like. As someone who values the experience of having met all kinds of people, I really like living in places that are kind…to everyone. I find that the instances of sharing good friends, good foods, and good memories rises tremendously. I don’t care if we all have exactly the same kind of car, or family, or cheese in the fridge.
I like having cheese in the fridge. I really don’t want anyone else to pick what kind of cheese I have in my fridge. I know what works for me. Furthermore, I understand that I don’t know other peoples motives for the cheese they have in their fridge. Even if we’re friends, and we talk all the time, and we see the same cheeses at the store, we pick what works for us for different reasons. I think having cashew cheese for people who cannot or do not want to consume milk is cool. Someone wants to make it. Someone wants to buy it. Go economy!
I have tried and enjoyed cashew cheese, but let me tell you that an extra sharp cheddar frequently makes it into our meals. I feel like I have informed myself about what is in cheese, how it is made, and I choose to purchase it. I like that I have that right. You are allowed to dislike my choice and purchase of cheese. You are allowed to choose the cheese that best suits your needs. BUT, you are not allowed to tell me which cheese I purchase or eat. My spouse can ask for a different cheese. My spouse can choose whether or not they want to eat that cheese. I still get to choose which cheese works best for me. If I tried to control which cheese my spouse was allowed to have or if they tried to control which cheese I was allowed to have, that act of seeking to control another person’s behavior is considered violent and abusive. But, really, anyone who would deny you cheese isn’t worth your glory anyway. You are better than that and you owe them nothing. (Please don’t wait for bruises, people.)
“Um, cheese?” you ask. “I am two minutes in and you are defending cheese?” Well, cheese is a metaphor here and I know you’re smart enough to figure out that the issue is larger than cheese. The thing that I’ve been thinking about lately is that there are people in our government who are actively trying to allow the same controlling, abusive behavior that would get someone arrested when cops show up to a domestic violence call. As a person with a uterus, with a chronic illness, I could probably have a healthy child, but that chances that I wouldn’t be there to parent that child are pretty high. I already have two kids. I have the strong desire to help them grow into confident, smart, and wonderful adults.
As a military spouse, I have lived in Texas twice. I would not have chosen to move there, but the military brought us there and we went. (For the record, I made some excellent friends, felt supported by my community, and they absolutely ruined my ability to enjoy brisket anywhere else.) Right now, the Texas legislature is discussing the death penalty for women who choose an abortion. It makes me sick to think that preserving my life to take care of the family I do have, could lead to being killed anyway. I just have to cross my fingers that the Air Force does not send us back – something which, I really don’t have a lot on control over. My heart pours out for the parents of trans kids, that also that also struggle with where the military sends them – for fear that the state government might take their children from them. (I have heard stories that the Air Force is being sensitive to trans families needs – but I’m really not the expert here.)
If I get to choose what kind of cheese I get at the grocery store, I should also be able to choose, based on my own knowledge of my own personal circumstances, whether or not I get to live to see my children become adults.
Try really hard to consider that your needs are not the same as your neighbors’.